Snippets

This new internet cafe has ten computers, and I'm always directed toward the one where the USB port doesn't work. This affects nothing more than my ability to post pre-written blog ramblings, to download NPR podcasts, to get bootleg music, to change my Facebook picture-- in essence, all the important reasons why I would go to an internet cafe. Let's see what happens when I post something written spontaneously and unedited, without checking it over for mistakes or long stretches of uninteresting nothing. To make it easier on us all, this shall be in the form of snippets of conversation from the last 24 hours that I've been party to.

Host Mom: You should have reminded me that you wanted to take a bath! I'm sorry. Can you wait till tomorrow? The water won't be hot until midnight if we start it now.
Me: I don't know... is my hair shamefully dirty?
Host Sister: It's not dirty at all! We don't care. As long as you don't smell bad. (smells me). You're fine.
Me: In America, this would be shameful.
Host Sister: Here it doesn't matter if you go 3 or 5 days without--
Me: 9 days.
Host Sister: You haven't bathed in 9 days? (pause of consideration). Well, let it be 9 days. That doesn't matter, either.

Host Mom: You're not wearing any socks! You'll catch a cold!
Me: My socks are all out on the line, drying.
Host Mom: (rummages through drawer) Wear these.
Host Sister: Those are full of holes.
Host Mom: Who asked you? At least she won't get a cold.
Me: Thanks.

Pickpocket in internet cafe: (puts hand in my coat pocket where my phone is)
Me: Excuse me, what's your problem?
Pickpocket: What?
Me: Your hand was in my pocket.
Pickpocket: Was it?
Me: I saw it.
Pickpocket: You saw it?
Me: Yes. (returns to work. notices pickpocket is still hovering. offers him obscene hand gesture)
Pickpocket: What's your name?
Me: Don't talk to me.
Pickpocket: What, you don't have theft in America?

Me: (pokes head into a store) Do you have phone cards?
Old lady: No.
Me: Okay, goodbye.
Old lady: (follows me outside) How do you like Georgia?
Me: It's very nice. The people are very hospitable and warm.
Old lady: What a darling! When will you return to America?
Me: In July.
Old lady: Ah. And weren't you in America last year?
Me: Yes... I visited home in August. Why do you know that?

Host Mom: You can't go outside with your hair wet! You'll catch a cold! I'll blowdry it for you.
Me: Okay, thanks. (sits and lets host mom blowdry her hair. realizes that the last time her hair was blowdried, it was the previous August and it was her biological mother doing the blowdrying. becomes sentimental and smiles through entire hair-drying sequence.)
Host Mom: There. Did I miss anywhere?
Me: No, it's great. Thank you.